tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190451394398154097.post3263558603970691841..comments2024-03-14T19:47:17.502-04:00Comments on Unwritten: Playin' With a BlurbMystihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147640629724678243noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190451394398154097.post-6631185375094117382012-02-04T20:33:26.150-05:002012-02-04T20:33:26.150-05:00Not really intentional, but not odd for that regio...Not really intentional, but not odd for that region of Tallenmere. Wood elves typically have surnames that contain some reference to nature, hence Ravenwing for Jayden (there's also a wood-elf couple named Zephyrus and Shade Windsong). Crowe is a rather common human surname, as in Sebastian Crowe, Earl of Summerwind. But I can see that it might look a little odd :)Mystihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02147640629724678243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190451394398154097.post-74215159847420470032012-02-04T15:45:01.243-05:002012-02-04T15:45:01.243-05:00It's a little weird their names being Ravenwin...It's a little weird their names being Ravenwing and Crowe. Is that intentional?<br /><br />I'd read it. :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15901684621715980573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190451394398154097.post-72670774311012432552012-02-04T13:26:17.346-05:002012-02-04T13:26:17.346-05:00Thanks so much for dropping by, Liz!! I'll pro...Thanks so much for dropping by, Liz!! I'll probably keep hacking at it :)Mystihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02147640629724678243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190451394398154097.post-10150759733965750132012-02-04T13:14:43.093-05:002012-02-04T13:14:43.093-05:00Oh, I find it really hard to write blurbs. I think...Oh, I find it really hard to write blurbs. I think you did a fantastic job with this one but I do agree that you could make it shorter. Apart from that, it sounds very interesting. A little cut and it would be perfect. Just dropped by to say hi. LizLiz Grace Davishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03530903335315992758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190451394398154097.post-85675506468386599372012-02-04T10:17:15.546-05:002012-02-04T10:17:15.546-05:00I think they're harder to write than the damn&...I think they're harder to write than the damn' book! But it's looking really good now. Well done, youJenny Twisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15716569675973035423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190451394398154097.post-31249755408162762202012-02-04T09:46:03.955-05:002012-02-04T09:46:03.955-05:00Thanks Jenny! I cut it down a bit. I find blurbs t...Thanks Jenny! I cut it down a bit. I find blurbs to be incredibly challenging. I think I'm just about there :)Mystihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02147640629724678243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190451394398154097.post-90914822437747722122012-02-04T03:25:07.937-05:002012-02-04T03:25:07.937-05:00It's THE ability.
I didn't find it at all ...It's THE ability.<br />I didn't find it at all confusing, but I do think shorter might be better. Leave 'em wanting more!Jenny Twisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15716569675973035423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190451394398154097.post-39817787632694543442012-02-03T19:09:47.086-05:002012-02-03T19:09:47.086-05:00So, then taking off that first paragraph might mak...So, then taking off that first paragraph might make everything clearer?Mystihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02147640629724678243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190451394398154097.post-29222376324092222522012-02-03T18:58:36.613-05:002012-02-03T18:58:36.613-05:00*reacting like I haven't already read the stor...*reacting like I haven't already read the story* It wasn't immediately clear that the orphanced commoner is Serenya Crowe. In fact, the whole first paragraph summarizes the characters when you go into more detail about them later on. So, I don't think that first paragraph is needed.Lindsey R. Louckshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16905479544791130030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190451394398154097.post-57834957895071000042012-02-03T18:41:18.228-05:002012-02-03T18:41:18.228-05:00(This is constructive, I aint heading for a fight....(This is constructive, I aint heading for a fight.)<br />I always thought the idea behind back page blurb was to get as much information as possible onto paper, while making the reader want more.<br />Here’s my crit’; it’s basically all over the place.<br />I had to read the first paragraph just to make sure Serenya wasn't the secret agent.<br />Ok.<br />Lets take Serenya.<br />First you describe her as an orphaned commoner, then she “became” a battered woman.<br />Then you give her name; Serenya Crowe (Then mention human man not her father; irrelevant here)<br />Then she’s in Summerwind.<br />Then she’s the wife of Sebastian.<br />Then she’s the wife of the earl, who we must construe; is the aforementioned battering husband, Sebastian.<br />That’s five different things she is, and I had to go back three times to confirm.<br />Now take jayden.<br />First you describe him as a secret agent.<br />Then we get a name; jayden ravenwing<br />Then we get the wood elf, lead scout, LIO reference.<br />At the end of your blurb, I’m looking up and down, trying to tie these facts together.<br />If the blurb is all over the place, what’s a reader to think of what’s inside.<br />kansasscot@aol.com if you want to talk more.Unsettled Sciencehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06353081010412040638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190451394398154097.post-19330384958720887802012-02-02T19:41:00.314-05:002012-02-02T19:41:00.314-05:00Ah, yes, that makes perfect sense. Thanks Candace!...Ah, yes, that makes perfect sense. Thanks Candace!Mystihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02147640629724678243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190451394398154097.post-28360667358420881642012-02-02T18:20:01.863-05:002012-02-02T18:20:01.863-05:00I really like it, Mysti.
I'm not sure myself...I really like it, Mysti. <br /><br />I'm not sure myself, but should it be, "With an ability" or "With THE ability?"cbearlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10931281646743541866noreply@blogger.com