Tuesday, January 22, 2013

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor...

Is your romance too romancey? Your horror too horrific? Your teen drama too full of angst?

Here at Tone It Down Inc., we'll fade to black all the sex scenes, make sure your heroine does NOT investigate that noise in the basement, and we'll kill off that teenage vampire before he falls in love with the naive schoolgirl. 

Still skeptical? 

Jane B. Author says: "Before Tone It Down, every hero and heroine in my stories were way too frisky, if you know what I mean. Now, they're safely tucked behind closed doors so no readers have to witness such savagery."

Tom Writegood says: "Sixteen-year-old fictional cheerleader, Stella, took one look at that vampire boy across the hall, and I knew she was headed straight for trouble. Tone It Down ensured he never sank his fangs into her or anyone else and provided a perfectly tame story after that. Thanks, Tone It Down." 

What are YOU waiting for? Don't risk offending a single reader with your wanton words. Call us now for a free consultation.


That's 1-800-GET-CALM. 

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*Product Disclaimer: This is not a real company and never has been a real company. Calling the number above could result in any number of responses, including a tele-porn operator, a local access TV station, or phone psychic. This advertisement is for entertainment purposes only and can be shared elsewhere if you're bored enough. 


  1. Prudes and other bigoted killjoys need not apply. :)

    1. You see, Jack, prudes and killjoys don't need the services of Tone It Down. We save our time for those whacko writers who dare write anything potentially offensive.

  2. Tone It Down makes a perfect gift too. I just sent one to Stephen King, Ann Rice and Dean Koontz. Now maybe someone will look at my writing.

    1. If anyone needs to tone things down, it's those three. You're so benevolent, Tom! :)

  3. Replies
    1. Thanks, Diane! It's a service no author should be without. :)

  4. Replies
    1. Why thank you! Don't forget to get your free consultation. You can't have characters running amok all over the place.

  5. Are there package deals or military discounts? I'm working on a budget here guys!

    1. Well, you do get that free consultation. I've heard it's only three words...either "Tone it down" or the more Cajun version of "Simmah down nah."

  6. Replies
    1. Thank you, Dear. Should you ever need their services, I've got a few coupons :)

      Honestly, this post is not meant to be offensive. I simply needed a creative outlet for my recent frustrations with criticisms toward my writing. I'd rather express myself in humor than in bitterness.

      Thanks to everyone who's supported and enjoyed my writing and those who've given me such constructive feedback over the years! It's for and because of you that I keep building the world of Tallenmere. And I hope to continue it for a long while to come! ~Mysti


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