Welcome to Unwritten's part of the worldwide A-Z Blog Challenge!! Every day in April (except Sundays), we'll have a new post related to the letters of the alphabet from A-Z. Our theme here on Unwritten is "I Will Survive". I hope these stories will inspire and uplift you. Comments are VERY appreciated!
O is for Ode to the Haters
by
Mysti Parker
One thing is
inevitable when you work in an industry that’s as public as writing: you will come across haters. With our work
being accessible worldwide via the web, it’s really not a question of if, but
when.
My when came
last year.
Now, I’m not
talking about people who don’t like my work. That’s gonna happen no matter who
you are or what you write. I’ve always known that and have always accepted it.
Readers have their own personal tastes and opinions, and they have every right
to express them. The haters I’m talking about are those who are nothing more
than cyber bullies, whose agendas are to harass, intimidate, and hurt others. Coming
across these extremely hateful and bitter people luckily didn’t come as a
surprise to me, because unluckily, I’d already witnessed their run-ins with
other writer friends. When I supported one of those friends publicly online,
that’s when they turned their attention to me.
They
accomplished their goals for a while. It bothered me that people who had never
met me could seemingly hate me for no good reason. I tried to wrap my mind
around it, tried to rationalize why people would behave in such ugly ways.
Impossible. Every which way I looked at it led to one conclusion—they simply
enjoy hating people.
Back in the
days before I got help for my depression, these things probably would have had
me bedridden. I may have even quit writing if it had happened back then. Now
that I’m able to see things with a clearer head, I can better ignore and avoid
the haters. But I’ve also come to a really interesting conclusion.
Depression
and hatred of others are like two sides of a coin.
Follow me
here. Depression, left unchecked, can sink its claws into you and pull you into
a pit of such despair, that you can’t climb your way out. You can’t see the
light up top. You become completely lost in self-doubt and yes, self-hatred.
See where I’m going?
Hatred of
others takes those same ugly feelings (whatever the source) and turns them
outward instead of inward. It’s just as illogical as depression’s self-hatred,
but no less hurtful. It can fully consume the hater just like depression, until
that person is so fully invested in the negativity, they cannot stop without
intervention. Of course we can see this very clearly in wars, gang violence,
domestic violence, and all the horrid physical hurts people inflict on each
other. And we can see it in bullying.
Why though,
did I title this “An Ode to the Haters”? Because, now that I’m healthier
and out of Depression’s claws and out of its deep, dark pit, I can clearly see
the wide horizon of life in front of me. When the haters hate, I’m not trapped.
I can turn away and choose to be happy. I can focus on the tremendous blessings
in my life instead of the negativity. When I do that, all the useless hate
seems so small in comparison to my God, my home, my husband, my three beautiful
babies, and all the terrific and supportive friends I’ve met since I started
this writing journey.
Without the
haters, I wouldn’t have had to make that choice, and that choice is actually
very empowering. I don’t have to climb back into my pit. I don’t have to lash out
and be just as hurtful as they are. I can love, and I can help. I can be the
good person that I know I am and that God intended me to be. So, I thank you
haters for the test. I may not always pass it with flying colors (I am only
human after all), but I can pass it.
And that feels good.
Really good.
****
Mysti Parker is wife to her high school sweetheart (17 years this May), mom of three ravenous kids, an event specialist (fancy term for demo lady), author of the Tallenmere fantasy romance series, and is a certified chocoholic. She is also the proud owner of Unwritten. You can find her books on her Amazon page:
LIKE her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Mysti-Parker/103786449704221?ref=hl
Follow her on Twitter: @MystiParker
I think you've got them pegged, Mysti. From what I've read, a lot of the haters suffer from gang mentality. They support each other in who they target.
ReplyDeleteYes, we can see them for what they are and rise above them. I haven't been a victim yet, but I'm forewarned and prepared, thanks to you.
Excellent observations, Mysti and enlightening. Your experience mirrors the many, but your determination to not allow hate to consume you and become one of the fallen, is nothing short of victorious. I hope your story is read by writers and haters alike. It's a light of encouragement for anyone on either side of the coin and for writers standing at the beginning of their journey. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteEvery writer should print this out and post it on their RL wall to read whenever the haters come their way. Thanks Mysti.
ReplyDeleteYou have helped many others out of their pits as well, Mysti. I have the utmost admiration for you. You have that stick-to-it-iveness that will take you far.
ReplyDelete