Welcome to Unwritten's February blog event! Of course, this is the month of love, so I wanted to celebrate that theme as I've done in year's past. But this year, I've decided to add a scientific spin to it. All month long, talented authors from several genres will write about some aspect of love from their books as it relates to science. It could be social, psychological, biological, or anything in between. Our blog event is sponsored by "HMC by Kate", a fabulous independent jewelry crafter. Kate's giving away one of her very beautiful necklaces that I think fits our theme perfectly. She's also offering everyone who stops in a 10% discount on any item from her Etsy store. Be sure to enter the giveaway at the end of this post and check out her lovely offerings! Without further ado, please welcome our guest author:
Love: The Sensible or Passionate Choice?
by MJ Post
Old MJ says: In
romantic stories, we know who gets picked, right? The true love, the one that
makes the heart beat faster, the soul-mate. But is that realistic? Does passion
make us pick?
First of all, we don't always want what
we think we want. Writes blogger Pamela
Haag: "a new research study … finds
that while we think we know what we want, we don’t. Researchers found
that when looking at written profiles, participants expressed more interest in
candidates who fit their 'ideals.' But in live interaction, the ideals were no
longer correlated with romantic interest."
Dating services let customers make sure
they only meet people who fit preselected criteria. These criteria tend to be
sensible (similar age and education, wealth, preferred look). But the study implies that when the
screening's done and we move on to meeting in person, the sparks don’t fly. Why
not?
Psychology Today blogger Dr.
Alex Lickerman:
"As with everything else, our conscious minds play second fiddle to
our unconscious desires…. [W]e may think we know what we want in a mate,
but the real qualities we find attractive—the real reasons for the choice we
ultimately make—are often quite different from what we tell ourselves they
are."
A marketing expert, Gad Saad, tells
us about this. There are different ways that we weigh
the characteristics of a person. If a
possible mate is being judged by some combination of looks, personality, and
status, then how these get balanced in our minds determines whether someone
becomes a mate. You could use what Saad calls the Weighted Additive Rule, in
which one criterion is multiplied in importance. After you magnify that trait, someone
becomes acceptable who might have been refused if all qualities were weighted
equally. This explains why dumb,
good-looking women get smart men -- in such cases, looks are those men's top priority.
Saad also defines other methods of
selection, including Lexicographic Rule:
"I'm seeking someone who's
good in a particular category, so when I find that quality to the degree I
want, the person is a potential mate, period." Want someone rich, hot, or
funny -- if person X meets that description, you may fall in love.
Back to the question of whether choices
are made because of passion or good sense:
the categories are a little more complicated than two. Good sense
usually means pairing with someone of higher status than you, someone with similar education and
background, someone you can get along with. Passion has to do with just feeling
someone is right for you so strongly that you will blow past obstacles and
objections to be with that person. Based on my life experience, I think choices
are made both ways, and the odds for happiness are comparable whether you are
passionate or sensible. What matters the most is how maturely you both handle
the relationship once you are in it -- but that's a different article!!
****
Bio: MJ Post debuts as a romance
author with "Chances Are." Educated in creative writing in Southern
universities, MJ has ties to Florida and North Carolina but currently resides
in New York City and works in education. MJ is married and grew up in the
1970's and 1980's.
MJ's
interests include relationships, social media, and comic books. Ask her about
any and all of them!
Follow MJ's
author news at https://www.facebook.com/pages/MJ-Post-Author/302156203319243
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MJPostAuthor
Email
MJ: MJPostAuthor@gmail.com
ENTER TO WIN!
This beautiful handmade necklace from HMC by KATE
I believe in the old adage opposites attract. My hubby and I have a few important things in common but would never be matched up on one of those online sites.
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