Thursday, December 20, 2012

CFF #28: Old Silk Hat Experiment by Matt Posner

How about a little Christmas sci-fi?  Is Matt Posner's story an alternate explanation for Frosty the Snowman's creation? I'll let you decide! Read on and please leave a comment...


Matt Posner
(Translated from Spacedock Interlingua using uww.interlinguarender.univ)
Gratitude colleagues for collaboration. Commencing operation.
Identify animation object.
Object classified as “Old Silk Hat.”
What is relevance “Old"? Would not “New” signify greater utility? Confirmation of object classification “New.”
Declination. “Old” has superior probability to be found in context.
Dispute. Dispute. “New” intensifies visual appeal. This is cognitive/cultural. Confirm.
Irrelevancy. Classification dispute has generated irrelevant subroutine. Clear pathways. Initiate animation.
Clear Pathways!
Purgation subroutine.
Initiate animation.
Identify subject units.
Identification immature subject units, classification in primitive inferior Sol 3 dialect is “children.” Now in possession of designation in primitive inferior Sol 3 dialect “Old Silk Hat.” Bipedal transport of designation in primitive inferior Sol 3 dialect “Old Silk Hat.” Destination processing.
Initiate animation subroutine?
Declination, identify data gathering unit.
Processing. Immature unit subjects designated “children” now providing designation to animation subject.
Designation in primitive inferior Sol 3 dialect is “Frosty the Snowman.”
Affirmation. Activate animation unit.
Repeating query loop. Query intent this animation subroutine.
Loop insistence query insistence.
<Subroutine freeze.>
Animation complete. “Frosty the Snowman” is animated.
“Frosty the Snowman” must use animation subroutine pattern to engage immature units.
Will engage youthful sympathy circuits with rhythmic movement.
Disputation. Animation subject lacks dexterity.
Irrelevancy. Activating rhythmic movement pattern.
Confirmed. “Frosty the Snowman” has begun to dance around.
Clarify intent.
Immature unit sympathies if now engaged will allow later manipulation of unit behavior upon maturity. Understood prior to monitoring operation, confirmed?
Specify. Specify.
Unit will become popular figure associated with immature units. Will obtain designation “beloved childhood memory.” Imprinting procedure will establish trust. Upon maturity, units will accept behavioral control and modification from “Frosty the Snowman.”
Establishing pattern-recognition for behavioral control. Confirm?
Designation “children” now pursuing “Frosty the Snowman” across terraformed space.
Interference! Interference!
Identify interference pattern.
Designation in primitive inferior Sol 3 dialect is “Traffic Cop.”
Identify inferior Sol 3 dialect uttered by interference pattern.
“Stop” is translated to cessation of movement. Unit “Frosty the Snowman” has been ordered to cease dancing around.
Unit is not designed to engage mature units. Unit removal order initiated. Confirm!
Delay please, imprinting action not yet confirmed successful.
Create sympathy with long departure sequence. Generate speech in primitive inferior Sol 3 dialect. Indicate unwillingness to depart and intention to return.
Translating. Glitch in translation circuit requiring evaluative subroutines. Initiate. Is this expression acceptable in primitive inferior Sol 3 dialect “Later for you lame-os”?
Declination, poor context meaning. Present alternate versions.
Proceeding with instructions. Alternate version “Sayonara, suckers.”
Declination, poor context meaning.
Proceeding with second alternate version. Confirm please usage of expression “I am f*&^ing out of here, yo?”
Strong declination!
Third alternate version, confirm please “Don’t you cry. I’ll be back again someday.”
Confirmed. Appropriate context meaning.
Unit designated “Frosty the Snowman” has delivered assigned expression using primitive inferior Sol 3 dialect.
Unit “Frosty the Snowman” no longer in situ.
Unit "Frosty the Snowman" has disassembled into fluid particulate.
Emit transmission beam. Reclaim animation object “Old Silk Hat.”
Transmission beam sequence complete. “Old Silk Hat” reclaimed. “Frosty the Snowman” no longer contextualized.
Assessment of operation?
Units classified in primitive inferior Sol 3 dialect have fully engaged sympathies. Assessment:  sympathies will also be engaged in the minds of additional “children” who become contextualized. When “Frosty the Snowman” returns as promised, animation unit will be suitable conduit for behavior modification and control.
Rendered suitable for political and social mandate?
Usage scheduled.
“Frosty the Snowman” will be back again someday.
“Frosty the Snowman” will take over the world.

Matt Posner is a writer and teacher from New York City. Originally from Miami, FL, Matt lives in Queens with Julie, his wife of more than ten years, and works in Brooklyn and Manhattan. Matt is also the Dean of School of the Ages, America's greatest magic school, located on a secret island in New York Harbor, and is pleased to tell stories about its people in the five-book series School of the Ages, which will be published between 2010 and 2015. As the child of classically trained musicians, Matt is a performing poet and percussionist with The Exploration Project, New York's premier avant-garde multimedia club band, along with the painter Eric Henty and founding musician and empresario Scott Rifkin. (Look us up on Facebook and sample and buy our music here on amazon and in many places online.)

Matt teaches high school English, with a fondness for special education students, and teaches world civilizations at Metropolitan College of New York. His interests include magic and the paranormal, literature, movies, history and culture, visual arts, world music, religion, photography, and professional wrestling history.

Twitter:   @schooloftheages
Pinterest:  mattposner


  1. Hey Matt :) This is quite funny and I enjoyed it a lot. Merry Christmas to you and yours and a safe and happy new year too!

  2. Well, it's certainly different. I'm glad to know Frosty originated, but it'll be hard to trust those innocent-looking snowmen now.

    Merry Christmas.

  3. You had me laughing from the first word. Good one, Matt.


***NOTICE*** Thanks to a spam bot infestation, every comment must now be subjected to a full-body search. If you pass, you can skip the anal probing...maybe.