Thursday, February 2, 2012

Playin' With a Blurb

So, I had a blurb early on and decided it was rather blah. I've been playing around with it, in the hopes of making it intriguing enough for people to want to read Serenya's Song.

Of course, that's what blurbs are for...ahem...anywho, I'm posting it here for any and all feedback. Like it? Love it? Hate it? Want to gag or yawn? Feel free to leave a comment.

          No one ever said love was easy...
Serenya Crowe may be a half-elf commoner, but she's no ordinary woman. With the ability to interpret dreams, and a birth defect that forces her to wear gloves, she’s endured gossip and the cruelty of her husband, Sebastian, The Earl of Summerwind. All she's ever wanted is to live a quiet life and raise a family. When she meets the new stranger in town, her world, and her heart, are turned upside down.

Wood-elf Jayden Ravenwing is an ex-secret agent who wants nothing more than to forget matters of the heart. He left the bustle of Leogard and his failed marriage to make a fresh start in Summerwind. He never planned to fall in love again, especially with the enchanting Serenya Crowe.

When a strange portal opens on the Crowe property, Jayden is thrown into an investigation, knowing that if he fails, Serenya and everyone in the town may die.  

Together, he and Serenya must overcome an ancient evil, and their own inner demons, to save Summerwind and find the love they've always dreamed of.


  1. I really like it, Mysti.

    I'm not sure myself, but should it be, "With an ability" or "With THE ability?"

  2. Ah, yes, that makes perfect sense. Thanks Candace!

  3. (This is constructive, I aint heading for a fight.)
    I always thought the idea behind back page blurb was to get as much information as possible onto paper, while making the reader want more.
    Here’s my crit’; it’s basically all over the place.
    I had to read the first paragraph just to make sure Serenya wasn't the secret agent.
    Lets take Serenya.
    First you describe her as an orphaned commoner, then she “became” a battered woman.
    Then you give her name; Serenya Crowe (Then mention human man not her father; irrelevant here)
    Then she’s in Summerwind.
    Then she’s the wife of Sebastian.
    Then she’s the wife of the earl, who we must construe; is the aforementioned battering husband, Sebastian.
    That’s five different things she is, and I had to go back three times to confirm.
    Now take jayden.
    First you describe him as a secret agent.
    Then we get a name; jayden ravenwing
    Then we get the wood elf, lead scout, LIO reference.
    At the end of your blurb, I’m looking up and down, trying to tie these facts together.
    If the blurb is all over the place, what’s a reader to think of what’s inside. if you want to talk more.

  4. *reacting like I haven't already read the story* It wasn't immediately clear that the orphanced commoner is Serenya Crowe. In fact, the whole first paragraph summarizes the characters when you go into more detail about them later on. So, I don't think that first paragraph is needed.

  5. So, then taking off that first paragraph might make everything clearer?

  6. It's THE ability.
    I didn't find it at all confusing, but I do think shorter might be better. Leave 'em wanting more!

  7. Thanks Jenny! I cut it down a bit. I find blurbs to be incredibly challenging. I think I'm just about there :)

  8. I think they're harder to write than the damn' book! But it's looking really good now. Well done, you

  9. Oh, I find it really hard to write blurbs. I think you did a fantastic job with this one but I do agree that you could make it shorter. Apart from that, it sounds very interesting. A little cut and it would be perfect. Just dropped by to say hi. Liz

  10. Thanks so much for dropping by, Liz!! I'll probably keep hacking at it :)

  11. It's a little weird their names being Ravenwing and Crowe. Is that intentional?

    I'd read it. :)

  12. Not really intentional, but not odd for that region of Tallenmere. Wood elves typically have surnames that contain some reference to nature, hence Ravenwing for Jayden (there's also a wood-elf couple named Zephyrus and Shade Windsong). Crowe is a rather common human surname, as in Sebastian Crowe, Earl of Summerwind. But I can see that it might look a little odd :)


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