Thursday, February 9, 2012

How I Edit, Part One + The Best Review EVER!!!

Editing for me is a never-ending process. Serenya's Song has seen more drafts than a Budweiser factory. Now that I'm in the last stretch, I'm cutting things down to the nitty gritty.

I believe it was EB White who told William Strunk, Jr. (Elements of Style) to "Omit needless words."

I've taken that advice to heart. Extra words can bog down the pace and make the reading experience bumpy. I have a whole list of words I look for in final revisions to make sure there's not a plague of them. Some of those are (drumroll please)...

of                appeared to        that             looked            almost     after
at me          seemed to           when          nodded            just          heard
at him         down                  while           very                 well          saw
at her          up                      then            really                so            felt
began to     that                    as                nearly              before     

None of these words are "wrong". But just like adverbs, we tend to resort to them to get our point across a little too blatantly. <---Adverb!! (gasp)  These words can often be omitted to smooth out a sentence. If you come across words like appeared, seemed, or began to in your writing, you can usually reword to make the sentence more active. And if we're in a specific character's POV, we usually don't need to be told they saw, felt, or heard. If you're looking out a window, do you think to yourself, "I'm looking at the neighbor's dog eating our garbage for the fourteenth time."?

Examples: The force field appeared to wobble. (weaker)

                  The force field wobbled. (stronger)

                  Jayden saw Serenya sitting at the piano in her pretty red dress. (weaker)

                  Serenya sat at the piano in her pretty red dress. (stronger)

And now for a little example of how I take out unneeded actions. Take this little excerpt from Serenya's Song, Chapter 13, for instance (in Jayden's POV):

The path brightened as we rode out of the trees. Serenya reined in her horse at the edge of the clearing. I halted Trick beside her. She smiled and inclined her head toward the scenery in front of us. I’d seen it this morning from another vantage point, but now the afternoon sun and the appreciation in Serenya’s eyes brought the place to life. The huge vineyard striped the rolling hills. Rows of trellises loaded with corbet vines treated my eyes to a sea of golden fall color.
I looked at Serenya. She (Serenya) wore a proud smile. “I know you’ve already seen it, but isn’t it beautiful here?”
“It’s remarkable.”
She dismounted and held a hand above her eyes to block the sun. “I love this spot. The view is perfect. We just had the harvest a month ago. Time to open last year’s casks.”
            “Great timing with the Opera coming.”
            “Exactly,” she answered with a laugh.
            I slid out of the saddle(.) and admired the view as well. “You love Summerwind, don’t you?”
            She nodded. “I can’t imagine a more beautiful place. Of course, you’ve probably seen all sorts of things I’ll never see.” 

Here, I've taken out some actions that are not necessary. I think Stephen King (in On Writing) referred to these as "stage directions". First of all, you don't have to mention characters looking at each other that much, unless the look is really key to the scene. Saying Serenya wore a proud smile SHOWS us that Jayden is looking at her. Secondly, you can see from the first paragraph that Jayden is admiring the view, so the line "and admired the view as well" isn't really necessary. Third, my characters start nodding so much that they look like bobble heads, so things like "She nodded" are often unnecessary and can be inferred by the reader from the dialogue alone.

***Remember: Your goal as a writer is for the reader to see your story, not your words.

And in other news, I got the BEST REVIEW EVER for A Ranger's Tale on Goodreads. 

Mommaseymour says: "Wow!!! I loved it. All I have to say is, why haven't I heard of this book before? It is a must read people!"


But that's not all. She went on to write a longer review, including pictures and video! Let's just say I got to drool on Orlando Bloom all over again! Yes, Orlando Bloom = BEST REVIEW EVER. You gotta check it out: http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/273058900#

20 comments:

  1. Nice reminder! I'm having to resist stage directions and "looking" every place. They're like weeds...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't pay as much attention in early drafts, because then I concentrate more on story development and fleshing out characters. The polish of word removal comes in the final stages :)

      Delete
  2. Yes! I, and I think most, writers struggle with this. There is a place for all of those things, but, like garlic, they need to be used in moderation. I also try to keep the writing from getting in the way of the story so this really hits home for me. Good one!

    Splitter

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now I have a hankering for Italian food, Splitter. Thanks a lot! ;)

      Delete
  3. You and I are knee deep editing our way through our current WIP's. Every word, phrase or piece of punctuation is under scrutiny. Just think how more critical you would be, if like me, you were re-writing it. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've rewritten this story 287 times (more or less). So, I feel your pain, my friend. :)

      Delete
  4. Same here. I've lost track how many times I go through my MS. I keep saying this is the last round, the final round, and then I go back again. I target filter words "heard", "saw", "felt", "thought", and all of those useless words "just", "really", "seems", "nodded", and even "smiled."

    Congrats on the great review though! How did that person get all that animation in? Hyperlinked them? Made me smile. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, those little words pop up like the crumbs on my dining room floor.

      I dunno how she animated all that, but she did a great job :) Thanks for commenting!

      Delete
  5. I absolutely love to "revise" and cut the pork. That's what I call all of those things...unnecessary fat. It does give us a tighter read. Love it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I also read out loud during final edits, so now I'm hoarse :)

      Delete
  6. Wow! That is an awesome review! Congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I can see why you are SO excited about that review! Congrats...

    Also, great post. There's so much to consider while editing. I can't believe how long it took me to zap a mere 48 words from my Love at First Sight entry!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now that you mentioned that, Nora, I went back and looked at some earlier entries, and some went over 500. *sigh* I'll have to be more vigilant with keeping that word count firm. I learn a little more with every contest, though.

      Thanks for being such a thoughtful submitter!! ~Mysti

      Delete
  8. Great list and post. Something a Newbie really needs. :}
    thanks
    Lynda

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you found it helpful, Lynda! Thanks for stopping by!

      Delete
  9. Completely agree with you and have been working to get these out of my own writing. Still have a LONG ways to go. The next thing I need to tackle are the "smiles/nods/frowns".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, bobble heads...it happens :) But the more you write, the more you learn. Keep at it!

      Delete
  10. I love your picture at the top. I got the reading part down, but the writing gets tricky. Thanks for the post. Editing for me is like flying to the moon. We don't get along, which is just sad. I have been writing a book and it seems that every time I have dialogue I just am not sure how to get it on paper right. This post was a big help. Thanks!!!

    Thanks for posting my Review too. I am so glad you love it.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hey, thanks for visiting MommaSeymour!

    One helpful thing for dialogue is to have an interview with my characters. It really helps you get in their head. You just start writing as though you're their therapist and let them do the talking. See what happens :)

    ReplyDelete

***NOTICE*** Thanks to a spam bot infestation, every comment must now be subjected to a full-body search. If you pass, you can skip the anal probing...maybe.